March 2, 2013
FIRST TIME GETTING HIGH. I can only focus on one thing at a time and when I text I forget THW music is on then when I realize it I forget to text
I catch myself smiling at my phone talking to nick 87% more of the time than I do with Jeremy.
Before march 6
I really like Talking to Jeremy again
Drunk at the movies with shaelyn and then suicidal
Vday gift: he got me a pretty necklace and matching earring. I got him a zebra that danced and 2 condoms
Sarah and Luke basically broke up but then were back together because she felt undervalued(I know the feeling) I made her two CDs to cry to and some simple snacks
2/22/13 sex 8,9,10,11, and 12. So I went to Jeremy’s to drink and we did and ended up having a bunch of sex. In the shower, in his bed, in his brothers bed, in the basement on the couch, and in his basement on the floor. And we also had morning sex. I puked when we were doggy styling it in the shower because I was face down and then brushed my teeth with his toothbrush lol.
2/24/13 Jeremy thinks he can tell me not to smoke. He did for so long and that’s why he’s on probation. Like don’t be a hypocrite. He used to ask me to smoke with him and I was so against it. But Sara Elliott and Catherine joss smoke a lot, well not a lot but more than me which is never. And I really want to try it. And then he tries to tell me he wants me to but when I initially told him he was so mad and almost started to cry because he was talking about how much weed has messed up his life. Idk I’m still going to try it at least once. We will see what happens
GAH this is so cute Sergio is still talking to me and we are basically making plans and this gives me hope! Maybe it’s because I like him and just think he’s so cute but i swear he’s flirting!
I can’t tell if Sergio is flirting or what i think I’m stupid or something. Why would he like me? I really think I’m losing it
March 6, 2013
Sergio just texted me….weird…..I remember when I used to like him lol and that one time we went to that ice cream place in northville. Sara and nick were either dating or about to date and we were all on bulldogs together. Nick and Sara wanted us there as help or something so it wasnt like a double date it was like a date…then two third wheels. And so then I didn’t bring any money so I wasn’t going to buy anything but then I had a dollar so I was going to buy a baby cone. So nick and Sara are ordering and Sergio offered to pay for me and I got super super nervous and scared and ran ahead and screamed out my order so nick paid for me……that was bad lol my life
So so so so late
Idk dates anymore but Jeremy is a dick so he’s gone. Sergio’s here now:) he’s so sweet and nice and gah I just melt for him
What I just texted Jeremy. “I just feel like you don’t respect me the way I need to be. I need you to treat me like I’m a princess and you’re my prince. I don’t want sexual things all the time. I know hector has a mind of his own but I don’t like it. If we do something everytime we are together I feel like it’s not special. Just because you’re in the mood doesn’t mean I am. When you jacked off in front of me I felt like shit. Like you didn’t even care that I was there or didn’t need me. It made me feel obligated to do it for you. I don’t like that. I am not a sex object. I am a person with feelings and opinions. I guess I’ve very old fashioned but I think things should move slowly and at a steady pace. Not just makeout, jerk off. That’s not what I want either. And I don’t like when you say I’m in charge because I don’t want to be. I want us both to be in charge and I want you to respect me enough to not try anything with me because you know that’s the right thing to do. I may be 18 but I am sexually a 12 year old. Please respect me and my body. This makes you sound like a bad person but you’re not. Just some of the things you do bothers me. I’m sorry.”
Jeremy brought his friend Joey with him and shaelyn was supposed to “do stuff” with him. They ended up making the puzzle that smelt like pepper and then sitting on the couch while me and Jeremy were, yet again, in my dads workroom in the basement. But so shaelyn hit it off with Joey and when they left I asked Jeremy for his number and she didnt get it:( I felt so bad
I booty called Jeremy. I feel really bad about it. It was me and karlie. I may like him but idk. He’s messed up in the past and we moved wayyy to fast. I still didnt kiss anyone when I met him, now I’ve had sex. I’m not necessarily blaming him for me feeling like this but he’s the person I associate these feelings with. I’m glad it was with Jeremy though. I know he cares about me. I don’t know if I would’ve done it if it was anyone else. I trust him.